Sometimes I think too much.. 

And current overthinking is below…. Sometimes I wish I had had a different introduction to BDSM, D/s, M/s kink world.. 
I still find it hard to detach from a false ideal planted in my mind by my ex as to how things had to be to be seen as suitable and worthy to be in her life, (let alone his), what had to be done a certain way etc and the twisted dark emotional neglect inflicted from someone unable to talk to either partner was not helpful at all- (although if I’m brutally honest we all failed miserably) the whole situation and view on how things were at the time was all skewed around her being the centre of attention, not us as a unit (did I mention we identify as poly also?) let alone adding in her ideals of trying to get me into a poly D/s dynamic without actually talking about the D/s side of things….
As you can tell, it gets very messy and very complicated very quickly so I will stop rambling..
Back to the main point….. 
Sad thing is, I know its skewed my view on everything kink/BDSM- scene related and has left me feeling very much like a child in a candy shop pointing at the most expensive treat on the highest shelf, wanting something I don’t need- all based on a lie within a giant web of mixed up love, falsehoods and manipulation. 
Thankfully, husband who know these things and together, *if* it is right for us, that direction of things would develop in a healthier way, a mutually satisfying extra dynamic to our marriage not the be-all-and-end-all of our relationship.
I can’t say that something is missing as that would be a lie- like never having eaten ice cream but demanding all the flavours, nor that it feels like we’re lacking anything just that it’s a different sort of feeling I guess. 
Currently its more something I’m curious about but think on a whole that it’s unlikely to ever go that way for us, more to lean towards kinky swinger sharing possibly poly stuff stuff. (If that makes sense you get a prize) 
Not that any of the above going to stop me admiring. re-blogging and sharing or anything.. just writing out a thought I’ve been pondering over the last month or two

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