Saturday thoughts 

Around if the BDSM side of life is going to be developed at all, although thinking about it more and more, I’m not sure if it’s something for us anymore. 

I know for me, that while experimenting and developing that side of things is mainly erotic fantasy at the moment, it would be hard to fully relax and explore after seeing just how well it worked previously. 

And although that is no reason to not do something, it feels like it’s a big deterrent; as sure, we’re kinky and enjoy various people, things and situations, that level of control & play is something I don’t think is going to come easily if at all for me. 

I think of submission, of Dominance and my body throbs for the bruises, the control, the love and the structure, but my heart aches with fear- what if it turns out like it did before? What if? I couldn’t live with myself if I hurt my fiancé the way he was hurt before through being selfish and demanding, let alone triggering memories of before.

May just end up being good mental arousal material.. Will see, as with all good things, the best things take time! 

x Kiwifruit 

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